In present day society, with so many people walking around angry with a chip on their shoulder and good, well-meaning people earnestly wanting to help them, I feel that it is my duty to address this subject.
As previously stated, lots of well meaning people are attempting to help these broken individuals in our society and are meeting with great disappointment. In many cases, these good people are often wronged by those whom they’re attempting to help. That being said, let me explain why attempting to fix a broken person is an exercise in futility.
You have undoubtedly heard many of these broken, bitter people make the claim that everyone of the opposite sex is the same. They’re make the statement that there are no good men or women. After all, that has been their experience, so it has to be true, right? Not at all. What these people are experiencing is what is called a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is when a person has certain beliefs and as a result, they unconsciously engage in actions that will validate their beliefs. In other words, they see things according to their twisted views.
Here is an example of a self-fulfilling prophecy. A woman may never had a bad experience with a man, but she hears stories from her peers and/or female family members about their dealings with men. Or she may have had a bad dealing with a guy. As a result, she believes that all men are bad. So, when she meets men, she isn’t objective in her dealings with these men. Instead, she looks for “signs” that these men are everything she believes about men….even going so far as creating problems. She rejects the good things and even tells herself that the good actions of the guy is only his way of trying to deceive her. She’s constantly on the lookout for an excuse to say that this guy is a bad person.
As you can see, people of this type are happy only if their beliefs about the opposite sex is confirmed. It is equally true that these people are happy in their misery. In other words, they get some sort of satisfaction out of being miserable and anything that will push them towards true happiness (which is outside of their comfort zone) is instantly rejected. Therefore any attempt to help people of this type is futile, UNLESS you can somehow change their beliefs. Without doing that, you can accomplish nothing.
A lot of well meaning people also get suckered into trying to help bitter people because the bitter person will say, “I just want someone to show me that not all men/women are the same.” You, having good intentions, naively believe that if you can show them what they’ve asked, then everything is going to be okay. Well, it isn’t and for two reasons. 1) It’s not your job to prove to someone that not everyone is the same. If a person is foolish enough to believe that all of any group of people are the same based on a few dealings then there’s nothing you can do to change that. 2) The self-fulfilling prophecy is the only thing the person seeks.
Conclusion: No more should you waste your time trying to prove to a bitter person that there are good people in the world. Besides, there are too many good people like yourself for you to entertain the idea of dealing with a broken one. You shouldn’t place yourself in a position to be held accountable for the ills committed against this person by others. Your intentions may be good, but you’re doing yourself a grave injustice by attempting to fix broken people.
P.S: Don’t come telling me about some one or two cases where you or someone you know actually helped a bitter person to change. That is the exception and not the rule.